Nice English Emails

[Batta]

The Carrot, Coffee beans & Egg


A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.

She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the ****l, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer ****l had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my ****l look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

&&&&&&&&

[Batta]

The Begger's Rags

A beggar lived near the king's palace. One day he saw a proclamation posted outside the palace gate. The king was giving a great dinner. Anyone dressed in royal garments was invited to the party.

The beggar went on his way. He looked at the rags he was wearing and sighed. Surely only kings and their families wore royal robes, he thought. Slowly an idea crept into his mind. The audacity of it made him tremble. Would he dare?


He made his way back to the palace. He approached the guard at the gate. "Please, sire, I would like to speak to the king."

"Wait here," the guard replied. In a few minutes, he was back. "His majesty will see you," he said, and led the beggar in.

"You wish to see me?" asked the king.

"Yes, your majesty. I want so much to attend the banquet, but I have no royal robes to wear. Please, sir, if I may be so bold, may I have one of your old garments so that I, too, may come to the banquet?"

The beggar shook so hard that he could not see the faint smile that was on the king's face. "You have been wise in coming to me," the king said. He called to his son, the young prince. "Take this man to your room and array him in some of your clothes."

The prince did as he was told and soon the beggar was standing before a mirror, clothed in garments that he had never dared hope for.

"You are now eligible to attend the king's banquet tomorrow night," said the prince. "But even more important, you will never need any other clothes. These garments will last forever."

The beggar dropped to his knees. "Oh, thank you," he cried. But as he started to leave, he looked back at his pile of dirty rags on the floor. He hesitated. What if the prince was wrong? What if he would need his old clothes again. Quickly he gathered them up.

The banquet was far greater than he had ever imagined, but he could not enjoy himself as he should. He had made a small bundle of his old rags and it kept falling off his lap. The food was passed quickly and the beggar missed some of the greatest delicacies.

Time proved that the prince was right. The clothes lasted forever. Still the poor beggar grew fonder and fonder of his old rags. As time passed people seemed to forget the royal robes he was wearing. They saw only the little bundle of filthy rags that he clung to wherever he went. They even spoke of him as the old man with the rags.One day as he lay dying, the king visited him.

The beggar saw the sad look on the king's face when he looked at the small bundle of rags by the bed.Suddenly the beggar remembered the prince's words and he realized that his bundle of rags had cost him a lifetime of true royalty. He wept bitterly at his folly. And the king wept with him.

******

When we put our faith in God, we must let go of the sin in our life, and our old ways of living.



&&&&&&&&

[Batta]

Lord Rama and Ayodhya

[Tale to Understand the Importance of Having a sense of Patriotism for One's Own Country at all times!]


In Ramayana, after the death of Ravana, Vibhisbana fell at the feet of Rama and said, "Swami, I never aspired to be the King of Lanka. I only wanted my brother to give up his bad qualities. I pray to you to take over the Kingdom of Lanka."

All the rakshasas also came and prayed to Rama that he should become King of Lanka.

Lakshmana also supported them saying, "O brother, Bharatha is already ruling over Ayodhya. Even if you return to Ayodhya, you may not be crowned as the King.

So, I request you to take over this kingdom and transform all the rakshasas. Lanka is full of golden mansions. Where else can you find such a beautiful place? I will be very happy if you rule over this Kingdom."

Rama lovingly took Lakshmana close to him and said,

"Lakshmana, how could you get such a silly desire? Just because one's mother is ugly, can he call any other beautiful woman as his mother? Even though my country is poor compared to Lanka, I still consider it as my mother. Lanka may be full of gold, but I don't want it"!!

*********

SPIRITUAL COMMENTARY

What a tremendous patriotism Lord Rama had for his own kingdom Ayodhya! He respected and adored his kingdom like his own "mother" as, any country we belong to becomes our "motherland" since we have been nurtured and brought up in that country, like how a mother nurtures her child.

We should develop this kind of love and faith towards our country. Parents and teachers should inculcate such spirit of patriotism in their children and students. We should declare wholeheartedly with a sense of pride that this is my country, this is my mother tongue.

A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle and patriotism is loyalty to that principle.Unless our conception of patriotism is progressive, it cannot hope to embody the real affection and the real interest of the nation.

We should love and serve our homeland; at the same time not hate or hurt the homeland of others. We should not indulge in criticizing other countries or people belonging to other nations. Having trust and faith in our own country, we won't try to put down any other country. We should never bring grief or sorrow to our country. To have pride in our own motherland is important.

There are millions of educated men and women all over the world, but how many really benefit or contribute to the society's progress? We are utilising our education for our own selfishness and self-interest alone.We have to eschew selfishness and self-interest and make our education useful by resolving to serve the society and our country,for its progress and development. That way we should make the best use of our education we have recieved.

Let us respect and revere our elders and our country and set an ideal to humanity.Let our conduct befit the degrees we have acquired.Education is meant to broaden the mind.Education and discrimination should go hand in hand. The prosperity of the nation depends on the progress we make in the field of education.The future of the nation rests on the students and the dynamic youths a nation produces and nurtures.

Every Nation has stocked plenty of wealth for us. What is this wealth? It is the spirit of sacrifice, which can be acquired through service to society.

"Karmanu bandheeni Manushyaloke", human society is bound by action.

"Sareeramadhyam Khalu Dharma Sadhanam", the body is gifted in order to undertake righteous actions, not to eat, drink and make merry.

We must render service to others till our last breath.

The essence of 18 Puranas can be summed up in one phrase: "Paropakarah Punyaya Papaya Parapeedanam." HELP EVER; HURT NEVER. Set an ideal, which is helpful and delightful to one and all!!

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." - John.F.Kennedy.

[Batta]

Give me your e-mail



A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Some Company.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed."

He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email".

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Some Company!"



&&&&&&&&:

[Batta]

Female Software Programming !

Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }


Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}




Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}


Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}


Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }


Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}


Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

[The Sniper]

Female Software Programming !

Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }


Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}




Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}


Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}


Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }


Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}


Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

نايس و الله يا بطة

بس المشكلة كلها ديكليريشن للفيريابل و ما فيها و لا فنكشنايه


يسلموووو

[The Sniper]

so funny >


Dumbo found the answer to the most difficult question ever.

What will come first, chicken or egg?

O Man, what ever u order first will come first.

——————————————

A man comes and tells Dumbo: Bobo! Your daughter has died!

Depressed, Dumbo jumps from 100th floor.

At 50th floor he remembers I don’t have a daughter!

At 25th floor he remembers I’m unmarried!

At 10th floor he remembers I’m Dumbo not Bobo!

——————————————

Dumbo was standing below a tube light with an open mouth.

Why?

Because his doctor advised him:

”Today’s dinner should be light !”

——————————————

One Dumbo professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

You know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

——————————————

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except Dumbo.

He wrote: ”Due To Rain, No Match!”

[The Sniper]

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman: Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him?????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!

[Batta]

[quote="The Sniper"][align=center]


so funny >


Dumbo found the answer to the most difficult question ever.

What will come first, chicken or egg?

O Man, what ever u order first will come first.

——————————————

A man comes and tells Dumbo: Bobo! Your daughter has died!

Depressed, Dumbo jumps from 100th floor.

At 50th floor he remembers I don’t have a daughter!

At 25th floor he remembers I’m unmarried!

At 10th floor he remembers I’m Dumbo not Bobo!

——————————————

Dumbo was standing below a tube light with an open mouth.

Why?

Because his doctor advised him:

”Today’s dinner should be light !”

——————————————

One Dumbo professor asked a plumber to come to his college.

You know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

——————————————

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except Dumbo.

He wrote: ”Due To Rain, No Match!”

[/quote]

LooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooL

Hes sooooooooooooooo funny ,this Dumbo

Thanks The Snipper

Plz do come again[/size][/color][/align]

[Batta]

The Starfish

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"

The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean." "I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?" "The sun is up, and the tide is going out, and if I don't throw them in they'll die." "But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach, and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves and said, "It made a difference for that one."

There is something very special in each and every one of us. We have all been gifted with the ability to make a difference, and if we can become aware of that gift, we gain through the strength of our visions the power to shape the future.

We must each find our starfish. And if we throw our stars wisely and well, the world will be blessed.

&&&&&&&&:

[Batta]

Help Yourself

A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm.

Within a few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying.

"Lord, save me so I can continue on my mission of preaching your gospel.."

Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's go mister. Into the boat."

"I'll stay here," says the preacher, "The Lord will save me."

An hour later a second boat reaches the scene and the water is close to the roof of the hotel. "Sir, you better get in. the water is still rising."

"No thanks. The Lord will be my salvation."

Toward evening, the hotel is almost completely under water and the preacher is clinging to the satellite dish on the roof. A helicopter is spotted and on a loudspeaker is heard "HSir, grab on to the line and we will pull y ou up. This is your last chance.

"I'm all right," says the preacher, as he looks heavenward. "I know the Lord will provide sanctuary."

As the boat departs, the satellite dish is hit by lightning and the preacher is killed. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates he was furious.

"What happened, " he shouts. "I thought the Lord would provide!"

Moments later a thunderous voice is heard. "Gimmie a break pal. I sent you 2 boats and a chopper"


&&&&&&&&

[Batta]

Very official love letter


To
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.


Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)




********:

[Batta]

Lawyer's fees



A new client meets a famous lawyer.

Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!

Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?



~~~~~~~~~



Buyer to seller: Is your dog faithful?

Seller: Yes, I have sold him 3 times earlier also.

He is so faithful, everytime he returned back to me.



~~~~~~~~~



Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"

1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the cup is clean!"

Waiter instructs the cook: "Two teas, with one asked for a clean cup."



~~~~~~~~~



Lalu was filling up application form for a job.

He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: "Yes!"


~~~~~~~~~

[Batta]

Indian Hell


A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!



~~~~~~~~

[الدهمشي]

[align=center]woooow wooow[/align][/size]

[الدهمشي]

pliz send me one via Email

[Batta]

funnny conversation


Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see youپB What''s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Let's hear it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I''m asking youپB Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: HuپB

George: The Chinese?

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya?asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That''s the man's name.

George: That's whose name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. I bet he knows.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. and then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: Call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N .?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!

Condi: Kofi?

George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice here.

George: Rice? Good idea. and a couple of egg rolls, too.






*********

[Batta]

Mistake

Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women?

Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

............ ......... ......... ......... ..





A man is taking a woman home after their first date. When they get to her door, he asks if he can come inside.

Woman: Absolutely not. I never ask a guy to come in on the first date.

Man: All right... Then how about on the last date?

............ ......... ......... ......... ..





A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

............ ......... ......... ......... ..

[Batta]

People are like


People are like stained glass ******s:
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out
but, when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light from within.



............ ......... ......... ........



People take different roads
seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost.



............ ......... ......... ........



A nice saying :

If someone points out your mistake,
be happy that atleast some1
is interested in what you have done!



............ ......... ......... ........



A NiceThought -

"when We have the heart to forget those who made us Smile,

why cant we have the heart to forgive someone who made us Cry"



............ ......... ......... ........

[Batta]

Why I am Glad to be a Girl !



* We got off the Titanic first.

* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

* We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

* We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

* We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

* Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

* Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

* Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... ( You got the point? ).

* We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

* We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay!

* We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.


************